Dir En Grey came at an age where Visual Kei (Visual Shock) was the popular thing. Think Marilyn Manson, only more hardcore. They’ve progressed a lot since that age, and last year, they made their first mini tour which consisted of three stops, one in NYC, one at South By Southwest Festival in Austin and the last at the Wiltern in Los Angeles. They then joined up with the Family Values tour. And now, they’re coming back for a 2007 tour as the last leg of what is to be named “Inward Scream”. I’m going to keep this short because I can rant about it all day and night. They’re my favorite band. I love them. Here’s a picture of their sexy lead singer. Not my favorite member of the band, but mmm sure is sexy. This picture will be of him pulling it VK style.

Check them out on YouTube. (http://www.youtube.com/v/YmY405qcVeQ)

Look here, dumbass, a patriot is someone who looks out for what’s best for their country, not for what’s more akin to what YOU believe the country should be like. The United States is a vindictive manipulative machine and you’re so miniscule, it’s not even funny. Call yourself a patriot all you want, but you’re going to be sadly mistaken. You think carrying a deadly firearm in your house and hating on all the “niggers” and “wetbacks” and “coolies” out there makes you a patriot. No. It makes you a cracker. So shut it.

Is this what you call a “patriot”?

I was talking about the conversation my girlfriend and I had. She had talked about rights and activism, and when choosing a particular ‘pet project’, as most activists often do, she was debating between women’s rights and gay rights. In the end, even though she felt more strongly towards women’s rights, she was more active in gay rights. Why? It seems as though gays have virtually no rights. They are the true second class citizens of this generation, not the blacks, hispanics, or asians, no they’ve risen. The gays are still the dispicable sinners of the world, hated by blacks, hispanics, asians and caucasians alike.

Well you might say that gays do indeed have rights. They can vote. They can drive. They can own property. They can speak freely without prosecution. Have you thought of this though: gays are given their rights under the assumption that they are straight. You can vote as long as you’re not mentally insane, which in some psychological theories, being a homosexual is a mental disorder. You can drive as long as you’re competent. Many argue that gays are not competent human beings. You can own property unless your gay partner wants to live with you. You can join the military as long as you act, talk, and pretend to be straight. You can marry as long as it’s with the opposite sex. So honestly… do gays really have rights?

All too often either one of my friends or I have been met with the situation where we may be exposed of our sexual orientation therefore in jeopardy of being fired for it. That’s ridiculous. Or so you would think. Believe me, it happens. Nowhere in several company policies does it protect homosexuals from discrimination. More often than not, companies state that they do not discriminate against gender, race, creed, color, etc., but few companies cite sexual orientation under these protections. What happens when people out you? Well sometimes your hours get cut to about half an hour a week or one shift alone a week. Sometimes they find some completely unimportant, unrelated, and proposterous reasoning of “letting you go”. Sometimes, they just flat out fire you.

You know gays get enough shit. Many can’t even hold jobs now. Some homophobes like to argue that gays are dirty and cannot hold down jobs. Well that’s because you won’t let them.

Being gay sucks sometimes.

What I find interesting is that Bush is “attoning” for all his wrongdoings pretty close to a certain convenient date. Does anyone know what I’m talking about here? coughnovembergeneralelectionscough. Could this be a ploy or saving throw to the dying faith in the GOP? Hmm no the republican party couldn’t be as devious as to… can they? Think about it.

People perceive me as a rather shallow and obnoxiously loud person. I’m in your face and I’m opinionated. Yeah, that upsets a lot of people, but I know who I am. I know who I want to be, who I will be. I know what I want and I know what I need to do to get it. I don’t think people can say the same. People peg me as annoying before they’ve even talked to me. They ignore me and push me aside because I invade them, their space, their silence, whatever the situation may be. I’m not going to take things lying down and that bothers people. That’s how I’m going to be remembered. Negatively. As negativity.

 I want to be remembered positively. I want people to know think that I was an altruistic person. Even though I’m pretty gruff, but I’ll do anything to help someone. All they ever have to do is ask. All anyone ever has to do is ask. I’m really a nice person. Honestly. Honesty… I want people to take note that whether or not it hurt other people or myself, I was honest, and I made a point. I want people to know that I’m creative, and thoughtful, and I want to make change. I want to be change. I want to be changed.

How will you be remembered? If your image and everyone else’s isn’t the same… what are you going to do about it?

My best friend, or at least I’d like to call him that, went to Austin for college in January and hasn’t really been the same since. He really wants to experience things and everything. Drugs. Alcohol. Girls (he’s gay). Last night he came back to Houston to visit and wanted to hang out. He also wanted to Sho and I to meet his new girlfriend(ish). The new girl is someone I don’t particularly like. She tries too hard to fit in with other people and she’s awkward in my opinion. That’s a predisposed decision of mine I suppose partly because she just didn’t give me the right vibe. Now he’s really gotten into smoking weed lately. More and more often, I find him coming back and just smoking. When he smokes, he just sits on the couch. He doesn’t do anything… he just thinks he’s doing something fun because well… it’s all in his head.

That’s all he does. Even the one time he told me we’d have a sober night, he got high. I’m not saying I don’t allow my friends to smoke or drink or do any other type of drug, I’m just saying that it’s excessive and why the fuck do you need me around to sit on the couch and pretend you’re playing marco polo in a pool of pudding and jello with Ernest Hemingway and Kurt Cobain? Once or twice when we hang out is fine, but every fucking time? I don’t want to deal with it.

My other friend likes to back up my best friend by saying that he does it too. Well, the last time I hung out with him, he was sober, and the time before and the time before that. I’m just not up to dealing with that BS anymore. That’s it. I’m calling him and telling him not to hang out with me anymore unless he’s going to be sober. Those aren’t really outlandish terms. Fuck why are men so dumb? This is why I’m so gay…

She was online tonight and I asked her. She didn’t say no, but she didn’t say yes, which means no. This is what always happens. Even when we were dating. I would ask if she wanted to go out and she’d say maybe if she had time. She didn’t know what she was doing that day (which is instant signal that I’m not important enough to make time for, I don’t know what I never realized). I’d call her the day before and she’d say she forgot and already had plans, that kind of bullshit. If I asked her too close to the date, say a week or so, she said it was too spontaneous and she didn’t have time to make time for me. In the end the answer was always no. I’ll see, means no. I’m sick and tired and tired and sick. I just need time to breathe. School is piling up on me and I can’t stop my life from spiralling out of control. So far, I think I’ve done pretty well, but everything is… well crazy. I can’t do this anymore. I don’t think I can.

My computer’s falling apart because some virus hit it and it made all these popups and programs run without my consent. I don’t know what to do because I just… I can’t deal with it right now.

Oh and by the way, I’m officially yet unofficially the new assistant manager of Katy Mills Claire’s. Minimum 32 hours a week. Normally that’s a good thing, but as you can see from all the madness ensuing, it’s not. Definitely not a good thing. I don’t know what to do. What do I do?